"Dating Tips of Week" June 9, 2008 featuring the latest dating tips for men on how to get more dates, improve your relationships and sex life, experience more love, intimacy, romance and surefire techniques, strategies, and methods on how to successfully score with hot & sexy single women.

For so many people trying to find that special someone to share all of your hopes and dreams with can be extremely difficult in today's world. So many of us have been hurt from past relationships by relatives, significant others and friends that we tend to find it challenging to really want to become intimate with anyone. Many of us have even developed 'rating' systems or dating rules in order to prevent being hurt by one more person. However, what if these hurts never happened before? What if there were no rating systems or dating rules to go by? What if there was a way to find that special someone? Would you do it? Would you allow yourself to be loved unconditionally by someone other than yourself? If you say yes, what would you look for in your relationship? Would you look to see if there were a spark on the first date or would you try to get to know the person first before you decided not to pick up the phone again? Is character or chemistry more important to you when finding that special someone?

This question of character or chemistry came about when I was talking to one of my best friends on Valentine's Day of this year. We were just sitting back and thinking about our college years when we dated and questioned "how did we end up in that relationship?" or better yet, "why did that relationship not last?" As we continued on this journey, my good friend enthusiastically resounded that it was all about the chemistry for her. If there was not a "spark" or that "woo" moment for her, she would not consider going out again with that person. For me it was all about the character. I felt that if the person was not being "real" with himself as a person how could (or would) he be real with me. Then we started to come to the realization that in order for a relationship to have a chance, one has to have both character and chemistry working together. We realized that if a person chose to only allow character or chemistry to work separately from each other, then a person may miss out on that special someone. You may end up missing out on your true love!

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One of the things we realized that many of us tend to do is this--we tend to commit the other person to being our 'potential partner' before we actually get to know the person. This commitment tends to occur during our lengthy telephone conversations when each party is putting their best foot forward. Then when you meet in person, the other party's spark (you know that warm fuzzy feeling you have once you hang up the phone) seems to fizzle out and that is the end of the relationship as you envisioned it. However, what we all need to realize is that by getting to know the person for who he/she is and not as a combustible science experiment, we actually find ourselves being intrigued by the mystery the person eludes (even if his/her jokes are boring and he/she does not "look" like you thought they would based on their phone voice), which may foster you to want to learn more about the person. It is through this mysterious "interlude" that you ask yourself "could this be the ONE for me?" Many of us fall short of answering this question as we never give the other person a chance to show who they are before we give them the boot. Then we end up leaving the date upset with ourselves that this was another failed attempt at love. Was it love that failed or your ideas of this person being that "perfect" someone failed?

Daters, it is time that you stop selling yourself short and the potential suitors you may come into contact with based on the "spark" or how you want the person to be based on your ideologies. It is time that you blend the two together (chemistry and character) to ensure that you are not losing out on that special someone. Here are five (5) basic ways to reconsider how you view the dating scene:

1. Leave the aisle alone: Before you suit up in your flowing gown or tuxedo with every person you meet, go out on a few dates to see if you and the other person view each other as possible friends or possible mates. This will help to alleviate the "failure" aspect of your date not turning out to be your mate. Be free to get to know each other as people first then see if sparks fly.

2. Forget about age: This is a big trap that so many of us have gotten caught up in based on our own intentions of being in that special relationship by a certain age. We all have that certain age "limit" when we have to have everything done otherwise we will be left out of the dating scene forever. Say good bye to the age limit trap and hello to enjoying the dating scene once more. Do not allow your age to hinder who you date or when you will start dating. Explore your windows of opportunity as it will one day lead to that special someone.

3. Tell your friends less in the beginning and more at the end: I know how important it is to share that first conversation about the first date with your girls or your boys but sometimes too much conversation can lead you away from getting to know that special someone. Basically if your friends think the person is not right for you, you begin to think the same way as well. Do not allow friends (including family members) to determine who you select as a possible mate as many times friends and family tend to base their opinions on what they were "used" to seeing you bring home in past. If you look around you, how many of those "used" to mates are presently with you now? More than likely none. Once you feel comfortable that this is relationship you desire to explore then tell people about it.

4. They are Ex's for a reason: Never, ever, ever compare the person you are presently trying to get to know with your past boyfriends or girlfriends. No two people are alike and no two relationships are the same. If you are comparing the present person to an ex, then you need to question whether or not you are ready for the dating scene or whether or not you have truly let go of your ex. If you do not, you will definitely miss out on that special someone while that ex you are "holding" onto is happily with someone else.

5. Know your limits: You do not have to date everyone you meet. Some people you meet with will be for friendship purposes while others will potentially be for relationship purposes. Be open and up front with the person(s) regarding your intentions so that both parties are on the same page from the beginning. This will help to eliminate any misperceptions on both sides.

Finally, dating is an enjoyable experience for all parties once you get to know a person's character first and then exploring those chemical sparks. Chemistry and character work hand in hand in helping a person determine whether or not the present relationship will end up being a lasting friendship or a potential opportunity to find that one true love. Do not allow your past experiences or other people to dictate how you perceive the person you are with as there are only two people on the date-- you and the person you are with. The two of you need to come to terms with the type of relationship you desire and if there is a match then go for it. If there is not a match, do not give up on developing a beautiful friendship that may last for a long time. Who knows the person you may have went out on a date with may not be the one for you but he/she may know someone within his/her circle that you would hit it off with. Expand your mind to all the possibilities dating has to offer and go out and have fun. The wedding will come sooner or later if that is what you desire. If not then just enjoy the time you have learning about who you are as a person in your discovery of finding that special someone.

April Lisbon-Peoples is a relationship coach who enjoys inspiring her clients to find the relationship they deserve. She is the founder and CEO of Running Your Race, a coaching practice designed for individuals and couples who are ready to awaken their creative visions for their present relationship or a relationship they desire to have.

April has written various articles focusing on elevating and motivating people in various aspects of their lives. Everyday, she aspires to help her clients realize their relationship dreams while gaining and maintaining a level of prosperity and wellness within other areas of their lives. So if you are ready to move towards the next level of your life, then e-mail her at creatingvision@gmail.com.